Why I haven’t been writing creatively so much lately and why it makes me sad.
Those of you who read my work might be wondering why I haven’t been posting creative work so much lately. Even if you haven’t, I still want to tell you why.
There are several reasons and answers as to why this is.
The first is that I am busy writing my Masters thesis and tutoring on the side, and both are taking up my time. This is sort of true. The fact is, I do need to finish my thesis, and should be putting about 75% of my focus into it, with the other 25% of focus going to my students.
However, this is not the actual math. The actual math is 40% on thesis and 20% on my students. What is the remaining 40%? Absolutely nothing, which brings me to my second reason:
GUILT. If I write creatively then I am wasting valuable time I could be using to write my thesis, right? And so, my anxious brain tells me that if I don’t do my thesis then I can’t do anything else. Ergo, I do nothing. Hence, the guilt, both that I am not working on my thesis, and that I am doing absolutely nothing.
Which is very sad! Everyone! It is sad! Creative writing is healthy, and it’s a great thing to do when your mind needs a break from work work. The question is, how do I reconcile myself to not feeling guilty for writing creatively when I feel I can’t do my thesis?
Unfortunately the answer is that I will probably just have to force myself and live with the guilt until it passes. Yeah, it’s yucky, I hate it, I wish it wasn’t a thing. But, I imagine most writers go through this type of feeling — the feeling of being out of focus, the feelings of guilt, the wish to have the perfect setup of 75%/25%. It’s just not going to happen, and I am going to tell myself that it will be okay, and that forcing myself to write creatively will make me feel better. Because it will be okay, and I will feel better.
Now, does this tell you or me when I will be gettin new content out there? No, but hopefully changing my thought process like this will help me get new work out sooner. We can at least hope, right?
I just want to say also, I appreciate all of you who follow and read my work, and I appreciate all of you who work constantly to put your own work out there — you are all amazing.